I’m back from the conference! And today also happens to be my birthday :P Yep, 29 years old already.
Do you remember I was highly anxious about my week at the conference? Well, it happened to be a wonderful experience. Not so much for scientific reasons, but much more for social reasons.
First day at the conference was the toughest, because I was going to be co-chair of a session in the morning and make an oral presentation in the afternoon. My anticipatory anxiety reached new levels of insanity! But as I sat next to my chair colleague, in the morning, I suddenly felt much calmer. It was as if I finally realized that reality was much simpler and less frightening than all the terror movies my mind is so keen on. Yes, my mind has the special ability to create elaborated horror scenarios.
Next days were pretty much calmer and I could enjoy both the conference and my friends/colleagues company. I actually enjoyed my friends company a lot. I felt something that I think I hadn't felt (at least not like this) since before the event that triggered my social phobia, at the age of 12. I felt an eagerness to actually be there, and with them.
I remember, when I was a child, and in my early adolescence, loving to be with my friends, and wanting to be as much time as I could with them. With social anxiety, all eagerness to be with people vanished, and was replaced by fear…
I could also observe my mood throughout the day. I realized that my ease in social situations was related to my general levels of energy. In the morning I would be all social and energetic, and in the evenings much more quiet and insecure. I believe this can be related to the HSP trait. In the evenings, my nervous system is highly stimulated from an entire day of social interaction, and resting is perhaps the better option. It has been helpful to analyze my reactions/mood/energy in the light of the HSP trait. Things seem to make more sense this way.
I also have some news on the working area, but I’ll be writing about this later in the week.
To end, and if you've identified with the HSP trait, I invite you to observe your inner world and reactions in the light of the trait. Do some of your inner reactions seem to make more sense now?
See you soon... :)