Oct 12, 2012

The precious gift

My moods can be highly variable, even throughout the same day. The moments when I seem to fall into a dark well of desperation are scary. The other day, after an episode at the university that reminded me of how much I dislike what I’m studying and how far behind I am from finishing it, I momentarily fell into that well. It’s hard to be rational in moments like these, and my usual strategy is to think: “It’s ok. These strong negative emotions will pass, and tomorrow I’ll feel better.”

This time, I tried to focus on the present moment. I asked myself: “What is good about this moment?” “Where, in this moment, can I find some inner peace?” This really helped. Suddenly I could see it. I could see the small good and peaceful things around and within me. And I felt the desperation and anxiety fading away.

I don’t know how other people feel about stuff, but sometimes I think I was cursed with a hyper sensitive core. I really don’t know if this is all innate or also a result of a protective upbringing. But I know I need to keep reassuring and nurturing myself to avoid falling (or staying for too long) inside of that well.

Learning about and practicing mindfulness has been a wonderful gift. In fact, this moment is all that we really have…

“We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand… and melting like a snowflake.” Marie Beynon Ray

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