Dec 11, 2012
Today I feel broken. I hadn't felt like this in a while. I guess my antidepressant sometimes fails me.
My life situation is more or less a mess, and I know it. I'm not being able to combine the tutoring sessions, the sewing, the writing in the blog, and the thesis. At this rate I'll never finish this thesis, and I'll continue indefinitely living in my parents home, without an euro in my pocket.
Right now I'm sitting at the University's big library. I'm surrounded by people 5-10 years younger than me, and I feel like I haven't evolved a thing since I graduated, 6 years ago. I remember when I used to study for my civil engineering course in these same chairs, and how miserable I felt. Life was like an unpleasant chore, to be endured day after day, without complaint. I didn't even think much about my future. I was solely concentrated on being one of the best - because that was my definition of surviving. Yep - not of success, but of surviving. Today here I am, again, feeling miserable about my thesis and my lack of future perspective.
I know I have my negativity lens on. I know tomorrow things will seem a bit brighter again. But still, I know something needs to change, or years will continue passing by, and I'll keep feeling that life is passing me by.
I'm sorry for the negativity. I just needed to put these words out.