Jun 6, 2013

Like it or not, what was, was... And what is, is

"This should have been/be different" is one of the most futile and painful things I can tell myself.

What I mean is, it's futile to resist something that cannot be changed - be it because it's part of the past or because it is out of my control. Whether I like it or not: what was, was, and what is, is.

Still, I have a strong tendency to do it.

I do it frequently with my past. I regret choices made, actions not taken, and I feel frustrated because where I am now is not where I expected to be. I feel the acute pain that comes with these thoughts and this pain often paralyzes me. By letting it paralyze me, I do not change. I blindly believe in the voice that tells me that if I failed in the past, then I'm doomed to failure. I let my past shape my future and this becomes a vicious cycle.

Resisting and suffering with what cannot be changed is nothing more than a mental habit - and one that wastes a lot of precious mental energy. Recognizing an unhealthy habit is always the first step in the path of changing. But as with all first steps, it is not enough. So, if I want to let go of what cannot be changed, I need to practice letting go, everyday.

Everyday, as my mind begins to tell me nasty things, I must let them go. Over and over again. Sometimes I may answer back, but other times it's better to just let my mind chatter alone, until it gets tired because I'm not paying attention.

Instead, I must embrace the present and focus on taking another right step. One step at a time. One day at a time.

I wrote this today not only to share, but also as an extra reminder. I was in need of it.

How about you? Do you sometimes get frozen in regret and shoulds, resisting and not accepting the way things turned out to be?

♥ I love when you share your thoughts 

See you soon.


  1. I think change happens slowly and we have to let go of perfection. Less regret, brave little steps and making time to relax rather than always striving are important. Just my thoughts - thanks for sharing yours. Claire xo

    1. Claire, you're absolutely right. And I am definitely 'guilty' of perfectionism and of putting too much pressure on myself.
      Thank you for your wise thoughts :) xo

  2. This post was more relatable than I care to admit! A healthy level of acceptance is what I strive for...accepting that what's done is done and the only thing I can control is how I react. Here's to the future and all it holds!!!

    1. Hi Tara! Thanks for commenting - and yes, you're right, here's to the future!!